So Unaware of The World
by Dreamaria
Summary: .:If I had known then that these things happen, would they have happened with you?:. AdaRuby femmeslash. New chapters will come until completion.
1. The Comparison

Title: So Unaware Of The World

Chapter 1/?

Disclaimer: I don't own Cold Mountain, or any of the characters, because if I did, you'd better believe this is how the story would go. ;)

Pairing: Ada/Ruby.

Thanks: Huge thanks to Alicia, Kimmie, and Katie for taking their time being my beta readers. I love you guys!

Notes: Hello again. First of all, before you comment and say something such as "that's not how it is in the book!" I'll just tell you right now, **I didn't read the book, **so I suppose this is all **based off** **the movie only**. This is just my version of how I see things played out between Ada and Ruby; take it for what it is. The rating of this is definitely going to change, for now it's just PG. By the time it's complete, it'll be rated R. Oh, one more thing. **Don't read this if you don't like femmeslash**. The first chapter contains no slash, but the second chapter is when it kind of starts, and it only gets slashier as it goes on. For now, the story is kind of told from Ruby's prospective of things, mostly just because I connect with Ruby a lot easier than I do with Ada, but also because she's awesome ;D As the story goes on, you'll start to see both of their views on things. Kind of opposite of the movie, I guess =)

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"The Comparison" 

She remembered the day Ada arrived in town vividly. There had been talk of a new revered for months after the former revered died the winter before, the sermons had been preached by whoever wrote one quick and proper enough.

They had taken the train from Charleston, their carriage set and ready to take them off to their new residence the moment they stepped off of the train. The carriage was drawn by two ebony, well-defined Shire horses, their muscles rippling with each hoof beat. They had probably been the result of years of good, selective breeding, and trained with care not by a young boy trying to make some pocket change, but someone who had spent time with the animals, making sure their every move was perfected and simultaneous. Both were well groomed, not a single bit of mud could be found caked to the insides of their hooves or anywhere else. Their massive necks held back by the baring reign, their manes, feet feathers and tails graced the wind, moving like a ripple of wind through a wheat field on a clear day. They moved as one, each step in harmony with the other, their hoof beats sounding as one. Even the harness used was polished, each piece of silver and each leather strap, glinting in the early afternoon sky. The reigns could be traced up to a young man's careful guiding hands, keeping the animals in line. Seated next to him were probably the two most distinguished people the town had seen. She was tall, thin, and wore a large sunhat on her head, protecting her porcelain skin from the sunrays. She sat with her pale hands folded on her lap, over looking the town as they passed from underneath her hat. Her dress was like a cloud around her, yet silky, probably woven out of the best silk and material in the country. No, it had probably been from Europe. Even by the way her eyes moved from object to object made her seem well educated, pausing for a moment to look at each fence post, then the farm as a whole, making up stories in her head as to what the people who had lived there would be like and what they'd think of her before moving on to the next. Her father was seated next to her, snow-white hair and beard, kind eyes and smooth hands, having never worked in a field before. He sat quietly, keeping his eyes forward, hands also folded on his lap. The carriage continued at a steady pace, passing farmhouse after farmhouse, the inhabitants pausing from their work to place their secret judgment on the newest edition to their town.

Ruby paused for a moment, plow between her hands, listening intently to the simultaneous clip clopping of heavy hooves and wagon wheels that were on their way down the dirt path, anticipating to see what the new folk were like. So this was who had bought the old farmhouse. She had worked all her life for a farm like that, now two rich folk just move in and buy it, without any work at all. Dawning a look of disgust on her face, she eyed the two as they passed. She could feel the old horse getting anxious between the wood and leather between her hands, but she remained still, not taking her eyes away from the path. Her horse snorted and pawed the ground, causing Ada's attention to shift from the haystacks ahead to Ruby. They met eyes for a brief moment, Ruby still outwardly disgusted, Ada's calm and detail wrenching gaze upon her. They studied each other for just a few seconds before Ada faced forward once more, losing interest in the poor farm girl and eager to see their new plantation.

Ruby shook her head, still disgusted, and clicking her tongue, urging the old mare to go on. Her horse certainly wasn't of the purest breeding, her coat covered in mud and manure, still shedding her winter coat. Ruby had broke her herself when she was a young girl. Her father had brought the mare, then a filly, home one day, having won her in a bet. He told Ruby if she could break her, she could keep her to plow the fields for herself one day. It was one of the few good things her father had done for her. The mare was getting older; her once gleaming bay coat began to dull. She was surprised she had made it through the winter, and she had said the same thing last spring. It seemed just downright dastardly that these people could just move in and lay claim to something they had never worked a day in their life for. She shifted her eyes over to her own small farmhouse. It wasn't much, but she could pride herself in knowing that she built it. Every piece of wood, every nail, every shingle was her handy work. That was something the city folk never had.

It was that moment she realized that's what she wanted. She wanted the well-bred Shires taking her from the train to a new plantation with slaves to do all the work. But the work kept her busy, what would she be doing instead? It didn't matter. The dresses, the farm, the education, the beauty, she'd probably never worked a day in her life for any of it, Ada. While Ruby was off getting lost in the woods and setting traps for food to fend for herself, Ada was in front of a chalkboard in a school house, learning about rivers in Europe and dead languages, though she wasn't sure where it would get her in life. Yes, she wanted what Ada had from the very moment they laid eyes on each other. She would inwardly mock them instead, what the other woman had, pretending she didn't want anything to do with it, only because she knew she'd never have it.


	2. The Worker

Title: So Unaware of The World

Chapter: 2/?

Disclaimer: I don't own Cold Mountain, or any of the characters, because if I did, you'd better believe this is how the story would go. ;)

Pairing: Ada/Ruby

Thanks: Again, to my wonderful beta readers, Alicia, Kimmie and Katie. You guys are awesome.

Notes: Here I go again. Thanks, Katie, for reviewing. It means a lot to me =) I realize these chapters are pretty short, the third one is quite long so far, and things start getting interesting ;) Another random note, I received a $15 Barnes and Noble gift card for my birthday yesterday, so later today I am off to B&N to purchase the Cold Mountain book for myself. I doubt reading it will change anything I have written so far, but at least I'll be more aware of what the difference between the book and film were.

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"The Worker"

Several weeks passed, the men had gone out to war. Shortly after she heard of Revered Monroe's passing. She didn't think much of it, just kept tending to her own property. She had enough hogs, sheep and wheat to make it through the winter, with surplus, as usual.

On occasion, she'd saddle up her old mare and ride by the plantation where Ada still resided. Still had her eye on it. Sally Swanger had told her to leave Ada some hog meat at her doorstep, but it would seem awkward. They didn't know each other. They'd never spoken, and their first exchanges hadn't exactly been on the most pleasant of terms.

On that particular morning, she saw Ada for the first time since they had made knowledge of each other's existence. There she was, in the field, scrounging around for wheat or berries in the dead of winter. Ruby chuckled her herself and patted her old mare on the neck.

"Not sure if rich bitch is gonna make it through th' winter," she continued chuckling to her mare, almost expecting an answer.

But somehow, she had. With help from the Swanger's and others help, constantly giving her food and blankets. Ruby watched them, day after day, going up to her doorstep and leaving whatever they could to help. It was her fault for letting the slaves go. She didn't deserve this help. She'd seen Ada go down to the shop several times a week, often bringing her family's riches to trade for food. She somehow always managed to return with both what she had came with and some more rations. It was sickening the way she was living off other people's work, but it was probably how she had done it in Charleston, too. After all, she was just the poor, defenseless, rich girl who just happened to be friendly enough for everyone to take a quick liking to.

Sally had invited Ruby over for dinner one evening, saying she wanted to ask a favor of her. Not knowing what she was getting herself into, she obliged, joining Sally and Esco for vegetable soup and hog meat that night. Sally seemed nervous about something, constantly stirring her soup and avoiding eye contact.

"I'm getting worried about Ada, she hasn't been looking well lately, have you passed by, Ruby?"

She raised an eyebrow; it was the only thing to stop her from laughing. So she just wanted her to pass by and check up on Ada. Again. It was just odd, she honestly didn't give a damn if she lived or died this winter. Though if she died, she would probably save a lot of people a lot of extra rations. Of course, she wasn't about to point that out to Sally.

"No, ma'm, ever since m' mare died, I ain't had any time to get anywhere. She was old, that mare, plowed a whole lotta' of fields in her day." Ruby replied quickly before shoving more ham into her mouth.

Sally nodded slightly, "I was wondering, Ruby, would you consider goin' over and helpin' her out? She's real kind, Ada, she'll let you stay with her if you tell her you want to. Just don't ask for any money, she ain't got any anymore. She's got a horse you could plow with, cows that need milkin', lots of work to get done. You're the only one around these parts that can plow a field that didn't go off to that silly war and all."

Ruby chewed on the ham a while, figuring the more time she gnawed on it, the more time she'd have to spend at Sally's before heading over to Ada's. This was a favor for Sally, and everyone else in town. If she taught Ada how to take care of herself, no one else would have to sacrifice their own rations for her anymore. It seemed fair. Might as well save someone else the grief. Though she lacked patience.

"I guess so, got nothin' t' do anyway, no way to plow until I can get m'self another horse."

About two weeks had passed since the day she headed over to Ada's. At first, Ada just looked on, dumbfounded at everything Ruby showed her, all the while trying to take notes on how to do everything. Except decapitating the rooster, she didn't seem to care to take notes on that. It didn't take her long to see how Ada did things. Ada was very careful not to get dirty, as she didn't exactly have any clothes fit out for the job. She found some old dresses that served their purpose, but even then she didn't like the dirty work. She did the easier bits of the work, standing at the bottom of the ladder, handing Ruby the shingles for the top of the house and shed, sometimes trying to write letters while doing so. She'd rather groom the horse than plow with it any day, except after it was done plowing. She'd just end up slicing off the mare's feet feathers rather than brushing through them, eliminating the risk of getting mud on her hands and under her nails. Sometimes she'd braid the mane and tail, depending how much mud was glopped between the hairs.

The letters she wrote, as Ruby quickly found out, were all to the same man, a man she hardly knew who had gone off to war just shortly before Ruby had showed up. Her determination amused Ruby, constantly writing letters to a man who never cared to send one in return. Inman, his name was. That wasn't even really his first name. Just went to show how well she knew him, not even knowing his first name. Alas, her determination prevailed, continuing to write the letters though receiving nothing in return. She may as well be writing to a dead man.

But what she couldn't do on the farm, she made up for on the piano. Her long fingers struck each ivory key with care, her eyes never leaving the songbook in front of her. Ruby could of told her all their hogs got eaten by a grizzly bear, but as long as she had the piano at her fingertips, it didn't matter. She'd rather starve than be without her music. Sometimes Ruby believed it was what had gotten Ada through the harsh winter before, just knowing that after her long walk home from the shop in the cold, she had a piano waiting at home for her, in the warmth of a fire. Watching her play was a spectacle within itself. She knew most of the songs off by heart, having spent days on one tune at a time, perfecting each strike of her finger, even though no one was watching. But Ruby was watching her now. Each night, after she had gone up the stairs to get ready for bed, she'd hear the soft chords striking a melody. It reminded her of songbirds in the morning, each note sung with care. Ruby thought about asking her to teach her how to play, after all, she had helped her stock up for the coming winter, but it was asking too much. She'd rather watch from the stairway every night, yearning to be in her place. She never had the patience to do such a thing; she was better off butchering cows and sowing the seeds in the soil. She could never adapt to Ada's lifestyle, of pawning over a man she hardly knew, playing the piano, and braiding horsehairs.

And it was then she realized, she didn't want to _be_ Ada, she wanted to _have_ Ada.


	3. The Letters

Title: So Unaware of The World

Chapter 3/?

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Pairing: Ada/Ruby

Thanks: Thanks again, to my beta readers, and to those who have taken their time in reviewing this. It means a lot, I don't think I've ever put so much time and effort into a story before!

Notes: I was going to discard this chapter all together, but after reading through it I realized you kind of have to understand all of this to understand the next chapter, and chapters to follow. The next chapter, I promise, will be slashy =)

"The Letters"

Ada probably would have noticed a change in Ruby's behavior in her presence if she hadn't been so caught up in writing letter after letter.  It had only been a month or so since he had left, yet she continued writing the letters. She wrote them daily, the only thing she seemed able to focus on for any length of time. Yet she still continued to work, nonchalantly, crafting how the next letter would go in her head. It was if thinking about anything else would cause her to forget the contents of what she had already written and what needed wrote.  Each night after the cows were fed, she'd post the days letters. Perhaps he'd get at least one of them. She considered often writing the same letter multiple times, maybe that way she'd be certain he'd get one. But one letter would mean a lot of thoughts on one page; she was no good at organized thoughts anymore.  Everything else in her life had been so orderly and stable until she had moved to the Black Cove Farm. One thing after the next, the pieces fell apart. Just when she thought she had something to hang on to, the war started. Inman left. Her father died. Ruby showed up and showed her how to do what she had watched the slaves do for so many years. Ruby made it look so simple, going from plant to plant, lecturing off like a speeding bullet as to what they did and how long they took to grow, expecting Ada to write it down as quickly as she spoke. Even though she had said she wanted no pay, Ada waited for the day she asked for something in return, not necessary money, but a piece of land, a cow, or the horse. But she had sold her home, she had no where else to go. She had told Ada of her plans for the farm, and but truthfully, Ada didn't care for any of it, or hear any of it. She was thinking about letters.  Everything led back to the letters. They were what had kept her sane.

She sat, seated at the kitchen table, scrawling every passing thought at that moment on to the paper beneath her pen. The room was dim, only lit by the candle in front of her, which was waning by the second. It was late, the stars shone like sun lit pinholes in the felted sky. Ruby had gone to bed hours ago, she always went to bed early. But she didn't have thoughts to pen. She was more concerned about waking up before the sun did so the cows could graze.

But Ruby wasn't sleeping. She laid there, her cheek pressed against the down pillow, wool blanket pulled up underneath her chin. She may not have thoughts to pen, but that didn't mean they didn't exist. She knew Ada was awake writing, she did it every night. Some nights she'd sit and watch her pour her soul and every feeling into those letters, with doubt it would even reach it's destination. Yet she continued, heartfelt letter after heartfelt letter. Sometimes the writing would take too much out of her, too many emotions at once. She'd leave the letters strewn on the kitchen table, pacing over to the piano to distract herself from the tears welling up in her eyes. . No wonder she was always so exhausted in the morning.  Ruby had read the letters before, as Ada always carelessly left them on the table each morning.  She swore she did it on purpose sometimes, so that she could read them.  In a strange disconnected way, they had bonded through them indirectly, in that Ruby knew all her most intimate thoughts and feelings. Not that it was in her favor.

Once, and only once, she dared to ask Ada about the writings. It was a few nights ago, evening, dinnertime. Ruby had finished hers, chicken and vegetable soup, yet Ada sat, fixed on the paper in front of her, her head resting in her palm, the other hand writing hurriedly, afraid to lose the thought.

"You writin' them let'r's again?"

Ada nodded without looking up, continuing to pen the words she'd been pondering all day.

"You gonna eat or what?"

Ada nodded again, dropped her palm from underneath her chin and picked up the spoon daintily, stirring her soup with it and taking a bite, yet still writing without interruption. 

"So…tell me about this Inman…"

"What's to tell?" she asked, still writing diligently.

"Well, on account'a you seem awfully interested in 'im. Whattaya see in 'im?"

Ada was resting her chin her in palm again, and this time she looked up, raising an eyebrow. "I don't know."

"You don' know?"

"We only met a few times…"

"You musta seen something in 'im, on account'a I thought you two had somethin' goin' on. All you do is write them let'r's all damn day."

Ada smiled and chuckled a bit. "He's what keeps me going," she replied quickly, with a hint of annoyance.

She never asked about him again after that, it was obvious Ada just had her mind set that he would return to her one day. What would become of her then? She had sold off her house to a woman whose husband who had died in the war and couldn't care for their farm anymore.  Maybe that's just what she should of proposed to Ada, trading homes. She'd share the crops with her in return for the farm. She had forced herself into her life, the last thing she needed was someone taking away what her father's not-so-hard-earned money had bought her. It was only a quick thought.

If it had been up to her, she'd rather let Ada sleep until noon and see her content writing letters than watching her feel helplessly confused all morning, though it amused her. She had let her, once or twice, only because she had been distracted watching her in her sleep, but promised herself she wouldn't make a habit of it.  Everything about her was so serene, especially in the morning.  The way the sunlight hit her hair, which lay across the pillows she surrounded herself with. On exceptionally bright mornings, the sun would play on the mirrors of her vanity, creating patches of light to scatter across the room and on her sleeping face. When she finally woke, the first thing she did was sit at the vanity and trifle with her hair. When she wore it long, it was almost halfway down her back. No wonder it took her so long to brush. Ruby would watch her through the crack between the door hinges. Ada was so careful and almost compulsive over everything she did. It had to be perfect. She'd never be cut out for a farm life, not if it took her this long to just brush her hair. Fence posts didn't have to be perfect, anyway, they just needed to stand up straight and keep cows from wandering off. Ruby had often considered interrupting her one morning, offering to brush her hair for her so it wouldn't take as long. It would of taken even longer then. Ada would always insist on helping with things. She'd do what she could, which wasn't much, and Ruby would usually have to go back over what Ada had done, straightening out the fence posts here and there, and making sure she hadn't missed any vegetables in the garden. She didn't mind. Ada was always there to keep her company anyway, reading from a novel, or just going on about whatever was on her mind. Ruby would listen intently, even if she didn't understand what she was talking about half of the time. It didn't matter. She liked the way she talked. Her accent wasn't as thick as those who lived in Cold Mountain all their lives, she could talk about the most ridiculous things and still sound educated.

She heard footsteps coming up the stairs; Ada had finally finished her letter writing. No piano tonight. She had begun depending on the piano music to lull her to sleep because her thoughts had become so confused and kept her awake at night. She pulled the covers over her head, not wanting to catch sight of Ada because of the thoughts she'd evoke again. All the thoughts seemed to run together anymore.  There was too much to be done tomorrow. Maybe both of them could sleep until noon instead.


	4. The Rainy Night

Title: So Unaware of the World

Chapter: 4/?

Disclaimer: We've been over this. Not mine.

Pairing: Ada/Ruby

Notes: Originally, this was going to be a fanfic all on it's own, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought could come out of it. This is actually what inspired the whole fanfic to begin with, this little segment thing here, 's been written in my notebook for weeks now. Yes, the chapter's longer than usual…but a lot has to happen! Oh, and on another random note, spell check still hates Ruby!Speak. Silly spell check. Oh, last thing, the slash I promised? It's here :D

August 4th, 04: Sorry the next chapter is taking so long…I had it written, then scrapped it completely because we all know how obsessive I am over things being kept in character. I updated this one a bit, changed the last few paragraphs to make it make more sense because I, too, found it rather confusing, as to why Ada did what she did. Yeah, so, the next chapter should be up either later today or tomorrow, and hopefully the editing cleared some things up!

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"The Rainy Night"

She was playing the piano again. The chords from the piano echoed throughout the large house, not even the rain could drown them out. They had worked hard the entire day, building fences and such; she figured Ada would be too worn out to play tonight. Ruby squished her head between the pillows, though it wasn't doing much good. The melody taunted her, daring her to come down stairs, like the aroma of a freshly baked pie to the kitchen. She wanted to go. It was an argument she had with herself each time she heard the piano, though the result was usually the same. She'd get as far as the stairs, finding herself transfixed on just watching, not daring to approach Ada. But this time would be different. The piano would be gone tomorrow; it was her last chance to do such a thing. This was truly the last time the hymns would creak up the stairs and through the floorboards. Tomorrow, the piano would be gone, in exchange for hogs, chickens, a cow or two, and wheat, among other things that were more important during the winter than a piano. No, to these two, in their own ways, the piano ranked among the necessities. For Ada, it was her façade, crying was something she was ashamed of exploiting in front of anyone, even Ruby, someone who she had told all of her most personal secrets to. It had taken her awhile to warm up to her, but after a few weeks, she found it comforting to have another girl around, even one as quick witted and outspoken as Ruby, or maybe it was simply out of desperation.

After several minutes of fighting with herself, she snuck carefully out of bed, careful not to make much of a ruckus, and crept down the stairs. Even if they creaked, Ada was so lost in her music; she wouldn't have heard it, anyway. Peering between the poles, she could catch a glimpse of Ada, though only if she tilted her head a certain way, as corner of the kitchen wall inferred with her view. In that moment, everything about her was glowing. The one candle that lit the room seemed to highlight her in all the perfect places, from her delicate fingers, to the golden waves in her hair, to the ruffles in her nightgown. It seemed both of them could spend eternity like this.

But the point was not to _watch_ Ada, it was to _talk_ to her. Sitting there gawking at her wasn't getting anyone anywhere. It's not like Ada was aware of her watching, anyway. Even so, she stepped gingerly step after step, cautious not to let them creak. Once down the stairs, she crept through the room, seating herself a few feet away, close enough to smell the wax of the candle. She folded her hands in her lap, as if listening to a recital of some sort. She had come all this way to say something to Ada, yet had no idea what she wanted to say, or even how to start. Even with her hair in the way, she could clearly see how tear stained red her cheeks were. She had never gotten close enough to know that she was crying before, she had always assumed it, and her assumptions proved correct. There were too many thoughts circulating, something simple needed to be said. Said? No, she wasn't paying attention, the melody would carry her words away. Something needed _done_.

Ruby stood up slowly, standing behind her now. She wanting nothing more than to run her fingers through her hair, to braid it, and have Ada do the same to her. But that was much too direct.

Tea. Ada always boiled a cup of tea before she slept. Ruby carefully stepped into the kitchen, keeping her watch upon Ada, who was still lost in her music; the only visible movement was that of her hand reaching to turn the page. The pan was still upon the stove, and still hot, for the steam was still rising off of it. When had she had time to do this? Perhaps when the pillows were stuffed over her ears. She took a china cup from the cupboard, carefully pouring the tea from the pot into two cups. Anything could be discussed over a cup of tea.

She entered the room once more, setting her own cup down on the table before setting Ada's next to her music book. Ada stopped playing for a second, and turned to look at Ruby, who stood, dumbfounded.

"I thought maybe you'd like some tea, on account'a your damn pianah music is playin' long an' loud enough to wake up ah' grizzly bear," she quickly spat out, proving to her quick tongued nature.

Ada quickly rubbed her palms against her cheeks, only making them redder and adding to the sting, if possible. "Thank you…I suppose I should stop playin' now anyway, it's getting late, we've got lots of work tomorrow…" She stood up, taking her tea, and taking a seat across from Ruby, who had already taken her seat. Ruby sipped her tea, though it was still scalding hot. She watched Ada, blowing on her tea before sipping it, and setting it back down carefully, smiling at her at lack of conversation. Ruby looked her over, trying to find something that would strike up conversation. She decided to avoid the subject of the letters, as it always made Ada uneasy, which would defeat the purpose.

"Yer bracelets are pretty."

Ada held her arm out, shaking it a bit, letting the silver bracelets slide down her wrist, clanging together. "They were my mothers," she added, smiling slightly, despite her still scarlet cheeks and bloodshot eyes. Ruby raised her eyebrows, impressed, and smiled. She was glad to see Ada smile, at least something was accomplished.

"What 'ap'end to 'er?"

Ada continued to admire her bracelets, "oh, she died when I was born, I never knew her…" Ruby was surprised at first how calm she was about it. She never had a mother, either, so she understood having nothing to miss. She shouldn't be surprised then. Perhaps it was just because Ada was usually so uptight over everything, even things she didn't understand. It was those books she read, they gave her ideas, filled her head with different points of view on life, showing her what she didn't have, not that she lacked much. There was an odd silence, Ada, looking at her bracelets, Ruby, looking at Ada, and occasionally the bracelets.

"I have more upstairs, if you want to see them," Ada shrugged, breaking the silence. With that, she and Ruby climbed the stairs and made their way to Ada's bedroom. So much for getting up early. They had spent so much time working lately, it only seemed fair to take some time off for themselves. Ruby had been with her for a few months now, and the only activity they engaged in together was the farm work. There had been a few times where they'd talk over tea, when they did it would last all night, and the work the next day wasn't efficient due to how tired they were. Within all the hours they'd spend together, it seemed they knew everything about the other. They had spent every waking hours with each other, not once becoming annoyed with the other. Ruby was quick to say when something annoyed her, Ada was too nice about it, she wouldn't have said anything even if it had bothered her.

But there they were, Ruby seated on Ada's bed, Ada, rummaging through her vanity, trying to find something suitable, both impatient.

"Here, I found a necklace…" she sat down beside Ruby, who held her hair up for a moment so that Ada could clip the golden necklace around her neck. It was simple, just a golden loop with a single red stone dangling from the center of it. Ruby wrapped her fingers around the gem, and tilted her head downwards, trying study the treasure around her neck.

"I have a mirror, silly," Ada said, taking a hand mirror off of the nightstand, holding it up in front of her. Ruby squinted her eyes, scrutinizing every detail of the gem, yet still holding tight to it between her fingers, as if someone was going to steal the spectacle away at any moment. "It's a ruby," Ada added, pushing Ruby's hand away from the stone so she could get a better look at it.

Ruby's brow furrowed, "I knew that!" Ada shrugged, setting the mirror on the nightstand, then turned back to examine Ruby, who placed her fingers around the gem once more. Her hand dropped from the necklace to pick up the mirror again, observing every feature of adornment.

Ada leaned over, resting her head on her shoulder, focusing her eyes on the mirror. She had never seen Ruby so interested in anything as such, when she caught Ada looking into a mirror for any length of time, she'd usually just mock her. She turned her head slightly and pecked her on the cheek before resting her head snug upon her shoulder again, their cheeks pressed together, looking back into the mirror, smiling. "Look how pretty you are, Ruby…"

Ruby sat completely numb, the mirror nearly slipping from her grasp. She could feel her mouth begin to gape open, but with all the feeling in her body gone for a few seconds, nothing could be done to stop it. She pulled away from Ada slightly, the words of the words that couldn't be said clinging to her tongue. She had never been kissed before, even though all her childhood friends had been boys, it never went further than being a friend. But there was Ada next to her, the woman who she couldn't help but mock when they first laid eyes upon each other, yet who had stolen her heart at some point or another. It only seemed fair, she supposed, she had done enough for her, it only right that Ada take something from her. She leaned away enough to look Ada in the eyes. Ada turned her head, smiling warmly and looking at Ruby as well. Ruby pulled away completely now, realizing she had set the mirror down on the nightstand without being aware of it. At least the numb feeling was slightly gone.

Though Ada's expression was that of happiness, her eyes always hinted something differently. They were always sad, and longing for something, anything. The silence at that moment was enough that the raindrop's echoes could be singled out as they pounded against the window. Ruby bit her lip only slightly before closing her eyes and leaning forward suddenly so that their lips met, wanting to do so before she had a second thought. Ada closed her eyes, not flinching, absorbing it for what it was worth, and finding herself returning the favor. After a few seconds, she laid back on the pillows, letting Ruby crawl over top of her, deepening the kiss, and letting her tongue slide between her lips. Ruby ran one hand along her thigh, the other running up and down her shoulder, occasionally playing with the strap of her nightgown, tempting to pull it down, their lips only parting for short gasps of air. Ada felt Ruby's fingers along her shoulder, beginning to pull down the straps of her nightgown, yet she let it continue for a few minutes. Not since Inman had left had she felt such a sense of completeness, she wouldn't let it stop then. It had been the kiss she had kissed once before, not so long ago, and right beneath her. She would relish this, take it for what it's worth, and possibly it would happen again. But it felt like such a false completeness, she couldn't stand the thought of using Ruby like that, she had already taken advantage of her enough, or at least she thought.

"No," she whispered harshly, breathing deeply, sitting up abruptly, her shoulder colliding with Ruby's jaw, causing her to bite her tongue. She stood up, the force of it caused Ruby to slip off top of her. Her mind had nearly tricked her, all she needed was Ruby being caught up in her belligerent mind games deep within her uncontrolled instinct.

"Ada, damnit…" she called in just a ton above a whisper after her form in the doorway, rubbing her jaw, both visibly shaking as if they had been out in the rain. Ada swished her hand dismissingly in the air, dropping it against her thigh before disappearing behind the corner, not quite sure where she was headed.

She sat propped up on her elbow for a moment, as if she really thought Ada was going to come back, before burying her face in the pillow, the tears staining her cheeks the same way they stained Ada's when she thought of what she was missing. She clutched her hand tightly around the necklace again; at least she still had part of her. Ada and she weren't so different anymore, for she understood the feeling now, of having something for a few moments before it went away, not knowing if it would return the same way it left, or return at all.


	5. The Apologies

Title: So Unaware of the World

Chapter: 5/?

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Pairing: Ada/Ruby

Notes: Sorry this has taken me forever and a day. I had a chapter written, but it was scrapped because I found it completely out of character. Not to mention the mess I've gotten myself into at home, long story. So, I guess you could blame the lack of update on me not feeling well, and me being completely obsessive over keeping things in character. :P Also, you might want to reread the last few paragraphs of the chapter before this, if you had read it before today, because I edited it a tad so that this chapter makes more sense. Sorry if this seems rushed, because…well, it kind of was. I wanted to get this done before I left so I didn't have to think about it, even though it took me nearly 3 weeks and shouldn't have been "rushed" :P The next chapter should come much quicker.

I'm leaving for vacation to Michigan City/Chicago on August 11th, no idea when I'll be back.

Also, MANY MANY MANY thanks to those who have taken their time to read and review this. It means the world to me. Thank you so much :) Silenced Dreams, Vikki Kelly, Emma, and Lolita. Love you guys.

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How long had she been lying there? The sun was coming up behind the pine trees. Ruby couldn't remember the last time she had woken up and the sun being high in the sky already. But there was the sun, flaunting its golden rays through the windows, taunting her to get up, and she still lay wrapped up in the blankets in bed, completely numb. Not even her bed, Ada's bed. Where Ada had slept that night still remained unknown to her, but she didn't care. Probably went back to her piano or to write another letter. Things were going to be quite different between them now, and she didn't like it. She had never had a best friend before, let alone a friend that shared anything with her, and she had messed it up. She wasn't sure what she had wanted to come out of the situation, but what had happened surely wasn't it. How far did she want to take this? Ada had it in her mindset that a man was on his way home to her at that very moment, it seemed as if nothing could change her mind. She had let her go on believing that, though she had personally thought he was shot down by now. No, Ruby would just have to keep replaying the happenings of a few hours ago through her head, each time changing it in her favor. This wasn't like her, though, Ada was the dreamer. She was supposed to be the logical one, the one that would snap at Ada if she were daydreaming instead of gardening. She needed to get up. She needed to put her mind on something else. She couldn't even bury her face into the pillow anymore; it smelled too strongly of Ada's perfume. She wanted to go back to her own room, but she was afraid Ada had settled there for the night, she didn't want to disturb her again, though it seemed to be her nature to disturb things. She didn't want to go downstairs, either; Ada might be down there. Until she worked things out in her mind, she wouldn't move. She didn't think she could move if she tried, the numb feeling that she had become accustomed to over the past few days returned, the only sense of feeling she had at that moment was her fingernails digging into her arm, deep enough that there'd probably be marks left, but it didn't matter. It kept her reminded that she wasn't dreaming. For once, she didn't care if the cows needed milked or not.

Ada was curled up on an old armchair a few feet away from the piano, her arms wrapped around her knees, holding herself tight in an attempt to keep warm. She had slept, but barely. The night had consisted mostly of dozes with unkempt dreams and unfinished thoughts, none she could remember in particular. She always had made a larger deal of things than what really was, over analyzing and such, but this seemed different. She had come to be somewhat of an optimist over the past few months after writing so many letters, though somewhere in her mind she knew he probably had not received any of them, and after the past winter of thinking she wouldn't make it, and then the following spring Ruby appeared on her doorstep, eager to help. She and Ruby had an odd relationship from the very beginning, Ruby trying her hardest to make Ada feel doltish, and doing a good job of it. She pretended not to care of things such as the novels and the piano, but Ada knew she peered over her shoulder when she was reading while preparing a stew, and she knew she watched her play her piano several times. It didn't bother her; she had always wanted to teach someone to play piano because she always found teaching as a way of founding out what she knew herself. Over the months, Ruby had been relaying less on her sharp tongue and more on watching the way Ada had done things. Ada never thought much of that, either, it seemed as if everyone in the town had kept their eyes on her from the very beginning, eager to know how the city girl could work the farm. She blamed having to sell her piano on this, for if Ruby had been working and not watching they would of surely had enough food to last the winter, the way Ruby talked. It was her idea to sell the piano to begin with; she shouldn't be blaming it on Ruby. She wasn't sure what she would do now without the piano, letters seemed like an option, but playing the piano was always what she resorted to when the letters brought too many emotions at once, now she had no outlet. The novels, she supposed. Ruby was always first to go upstairs for bed, she wouldn't want to keep her from getting up too late.

She opened her eyes enough to see that the sun was up. It was certainly an unusual spectacle, the last time she woken up at noon was after her father had passed, and out of lack of knowing what to do she slept all day. It seemed like an answer at the time, but like right now, it was only making things worse, giving her too much time to think. She only blamed herself for the situation she found herself in right then, she could be warm in her own bed right now. She was always one to please, she should of just gone along with whatever Ruby was doing, it certainly seemed harmless, it didn't mean anything to her, though Ruby seemed to get something out of it. She somehow kept herself from feeling bad for Ruby, though Ruby had told her many tales from her childhood, she often didn't know if she was making them as she went just to amuse her, or if she really had been left in the woods for weeks. She wasn't really sure what Ruby wanted, she seemed to find pleasure in anything around the farm, but she knew that would wear off eventually. She could feel Ruby against her last night, of all the hugs they had shared, she had never felt so warm, and it was if that was what this odd tension between them was leading up to. Ada was sure Ruby was growing sick of her constantly writing letters and becoming lost in her thoughts of a man on his way home to her, she often wondered if it put ideas in her head, and whether they involved her or not, but eventually lost the thought after a fleeting moment.

She ran her fingers over the silver bracelets on her arm, something so simple caused so much confusion.

Ruby hated staying in bed for any amount of time, she found no reason behind it, it wasn't like anyone was laying beside her holding her back from getting up. She forced herself up, catching her reflection in the mirror, realizing she still the necklace on. It was cold, even against her cold skin, and seeing it again was causing so much anguish within her. Without second thought, she gave one single tug, causing the chain to break and it to fall into her palm, and tucked it in the pocket of her nightgown. Just in case. No, she didn't want to get up now. She didn't care when the men were coming to trade the piano for food and wheat; even Ada could handle that transaction without her help. Part of her wanted to find out where Ada was and attempt to make an explanation for last night, but she couldn't, not without slipping. She never was one to hold a secret for long. She could pretend to understand what Ada was thinking then, and it seemed all she wanted to do was believe she was laying next to her so she could whisper and kiss it all away, though that was the problem to begin with. She'd go downstairs and talk to Ada, though from seeing where it had got her last time it didn't seem like such a good idea after all. It seemed as if the happenings from a few hours ago were just repeating themselves; Ada was downstairs, or at least she thought, upset, and she was in bed wondering what to do about it. She had learned from the past, and it was time to mend it.

Ada still sat snuggled in the chair, her back beginning to ache a bit now from the fetal position she found herself in most of the night. The grandfather clock read 6 o'clock; surely it couldn't be that late in the day already? Out of habit, she wanted to lay there a bit longer and wait for Ruby to rap at the door for her to get up. In a way, she looked forward to it every morning. She was sure Ruby wasn't awake for some reason; she'd have to be the one to wake her. She had never seen her asleep before. It seemed funny that she could sleep at all, with all the worrying she did about what needed done the next day. She found her thoughts drifting to Inman, wondering if he was receiving her letters, if he was alive at all, or even, maybe, walking home to her. The one kiss they had shared she cherished, piecing it together in her mind once more and reliving it, as she did each time her thoughts found him. She didn't feel his whiskers against her chin; instead her thoughts took her to a kiss that happened not so long ago, where whiskers were replaced by the strap of her nightgown being tousled between someone else's calloused fingers and a similar hand grazing her thigh. At first she thought she had mixed them up, but for the moment it made sense. The obsession had let her believe what she wanted.

Her musings were interrupted by the creaking of the stairs, following by footsteps, jerking her out of the odd state between sleep and something else. The footsteps came nearer with each beat against the wooden floor, pattering around for a bit, until they came to a halt, replaced by wooden chair legs scraped against the floorboards. Her eyes flit open, even though her sight was slightly blurred, she could make out Ruby's figure seated at the table, drinking tea. There was another cup across from her own, probably meant for her. Only by the way she was sitting, her cheek pressed deeply into her hand, stirring the tea anxiously, it was easy to tell she was distraught. It was just as easy to know why, considering the situation they had found themselves in earlier.

Ada sat up slowly, before getting to her feet and stretching. Her back still ached a bit, though somehow the idea that tea would ease it comforted her. She sat across from Ruby once again, blowing on her tea before sipping it. Ruby looked up for a second, then turned her attention toward the tea once more, avoiding eye contact.

"It's nearly light out," Ada broke the silence.

"Shoulda be'n out there hours ago, them cows is gon' be won'dr'n where we be'n."

Ada nodded and sighed. "I'm sorry, Ruby."

Ruby nodded without looking up. What exactly she was sorry for wasn't clear, but it wasn't the cows. She supposed it was easier for her to use such a thing to apoligize for instead of coming right out and saying it, which made sense.

"You took your necklace off," Ada said, if only to break up some kind of pent up tension.

"I thought you'd wan' it back…" Ruby reached into the pocket of her nightgown and fished out the necklace, running it through her fingers a few times before dangling it in front of Ada.

"Keep it, I was just going to pawn it, anyway…"

Ruby smiled and put it back in her pocket again. They had come to an unspoken understanding, so it seemed.

And that was it, the piano was gone. The rest of the day had been spent building a pen for the hogs, though few words had came between them. Ada finally seemed to gain control over her emotions after the happenings of earlier in the day. Ruby constantly apologized for having to sell the piano, getting the same response each time from Ada, insisting it had been her idea. She couldn't argue that. In truth, the apology had a double meaning. Ada seemed to accept both. They always had a way of saying what they meant without directly saying it.

It was evening now, Ada sat across the table from Ruby, writing a letter and absently gnawing on a carrot, occasionally dipping her spoon into the soup. After a few minutes, Ada dropped her pen and ate her soup properly for a second before picking up a novel. She'd get much more reading done now that the piano was gone, though she preferred the piano over the books.

"Alright, then, I'm goin' up t' bed, didn't get much sleep las' night."

"G'night,"

Ruby shrugged and slid the chair back, heading toward the stairs, leaving her bowl and utensils in their places. Ada didn't seem to want much to do with her, no sense in lingering. Somehow her hand had found the necklace in her pocket again and began running it through her fingers once more. For a moment she thought of going back downstairs and asking Ada to put the necklace on, but for now it didn't seem right. Throughout the day there had been a tension hovering above them, like a storm cloud, just threatening to burst. It only seemed to increase when the only subject discussed among them that day had been the piano, with hollow apologies meaning something other than what the context of it was, though the first few times they were truthful. It was alright, things would work themselves out. They usually did.


	6. The Epiphany

**Title:** So Unaware of the World

**Chapter:** 6/?

**Pairing**: Ada/Ruby

**Thanks**: To the reviewers Silenced Dreams, Vikki Kelly, a hodge in the hill, and others who have left encouraging reviews, to my friends who I've locked in my room and forced to watch the movie, putting up with my lesbian commentary. You guys are special people. Especially to Vikki Kelly, for IM-ing me, encouraging me to continue and helping me with other issues that have come up in my life. And Alicia, just because. I love you, darlin' ;)

**Notes**: Err, sorry this has taken forever and a day. Too much debating back and forth over how things should go, I finally sat down and did it, whether I like it or not. I figure I can always go back and fix it if not, though I'm incredibly lazy so chances of this being changed are slim. I started school a while ago, which messed up my sleeping schedule entirely, not to mention I have a job at a horse farm now, and next time you hear from me I'll have a second job as well. In short: Carly has a life now, less time for fanfics. However, I read the novel, and though I think the story is much, much better than the movie…I think I still prefer the movie.

One last, final, note. **If you don't like femmeslash, stop reading NOW. **Though I'm not sure why you're reading this at all if that's the case. It only gets "worse" as it goes. I know what I'm writing is controversial, I like it that way. I've always been quite liberal, I do my own thing, and my writing is no exception. Take it for what it is. STOP FIGHTING IN THE REVIEWS. If you disagree with the story, sucks for you. It's friggen' fanfiction. There are plenty of other stories out there for you to read, stop wasting your time on this one if you disagree with it. I'm well aware of both the movie and the novel, and I love both of them to death. Calm down, kids. It's /fan/fiction. Now then. Enjoy?

Yeah. It's long. I had a lot of time to make up for. Thanks for being so patient with me, I really hope the next bit doesn't take so long.

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With few hours left in the day and nothing left to do except feed the cows and the horse, it was decided that the horse would be hitched up and Ada would learn how to do it on her own, as well as drive the horse with the cart. She had been meaning to teach her how to drive the cart for a few weeks, so that she could run her own errands and leave Ada to hers. She took her through the back roads, through the overgrown paths in the woods only used by those who found themselves to be lost while hunting and through fields where the grass was thick enough that should the horse run off, he wouldn't get far. They kept on these paths until she was calm enough to hold the reigns herself, though her shaky hands rattled the horse's but between his teeth and over his tongue, and yanking it back slightly, sometimes dramatically, causing him to become uneasy. When the horse would stop, she'd sigh with frustration and throw her hands up, dropping the reigns in her lap. Ruby would sigh and pick up the reigns to get the horse moving again, then handed them off again to Ada. After adjusting the reigns several times between her fingers, she finally had it figured out, and the horse moved forward without hesitation now that the bit was steady between his jaws. Because the sunlight was becoming scarcer by the moment, Ruby decided they should return to the field, though it was harder to travel through, there were fewer trees to block the light. Though she was supposed to have her eyes focused on the path in front of her, Ada caught site of what looked to be an abandoned camp site through the trees, most likely left by deserters just a few days before. The ashes were still in a neat pile, not tattered recklessly about by the wind, though it was fall. They tied the gelding to a moss-covered tree, Ruby removing the bit so that he could graze on what was left of the summer grass. Though there was a mess of small twigs and broken branches left in the fireplace, it wasn't enough for a proper fire. They both scrounged around for a bit, collecting what they could of the fallen branches scattered about, and throwing them into the fireplace. After they had enough wood, Ruby organized them in way she saw fit before striking a match against one of the rocks that lay circled around the ashes, then threw it into the carefully arranged sticks, setting them ablaze as they had been a day prior. Ada had already settled on a log that had been pulled over closer to the fire. Ruby took her place close by, leaning forward so that her elbows rest upon her knees and her chin in her palms. Her eyes shifted from the fire to the trees to the moon, which was becoming more evident by the minute, though the sun still held it's place in the sky, if only slightly. She'd occasionally glance from the corners of her eye at Ada, who was sitting up properly, reading a novel. Though she was interested, Ruby watched the fire again. It'd be best not to bother her. It had been a while since they had time to themselves to relax, the past few days they'd hardly spoken, going straight to bed after their chores each day. It was nothing different than before, just that the days were becoming shorter. They had hardly spoken on their ride out that night, except when she scolded Ada for pulling at the bit too hard. Even then, after a few times, reprimands were replaced by scowls. She closed her eyes for a few moments, hoping to catch a few winks before they had to return back to the farm.

Ada had grown bored of her novel, yet didn't want to return home yet. Ruby had dozed off slightly, anyway. She set the book aside and pulled the bailing twine from Ruby's hair, running her fingers through it. Ruby didn't flinch, if she felt it at all. Her hair was nearly as long as Ada's, but thicker. She separated several strands and began to weave them together into a braid, simple and loose, but it kept her busy. Doing her own hair each morning had become so repetitive, though she'd try new things each morning, it seemed all the same. Once she finished, she picked up the piece of twine and retied it in her hair again. She would have done something more intricate, but she didn't want to stir her, though she'd have to eventually because she wasn't quite sure where they were. She folded her hands on her lap for a moment before picking up the novel again. While she read, she'd look up at the fire occasionally, as if it was changing anytime soon, other than when the blue core of it would sometimes reach up to the tip of the flame. There was a moment where she wondered if perhaps Inman had left this fire, or if he was around these parts at all. It had been over three years since she had last seen him, and hadn't thought of him any less than she had the day they met. Though she hadn't had as much time for letters as she would like, she had began taking notes in her head for new ones. She kept the picture he had given her as a bookmark so that each time she read she would think of him for a moment, which gave her a new incentive to read. She had read a few paragraphs before she could see Ruby shifting her weight beside her, reaching back to feel her hair but not mentioning anything of it, only trying to read over Ada's shoulder. Ada caught site of her doing so and suggested she just read it aloud, and Ruby obliged. She read until the words could only be made out by the few slithers of light that managed to make it between the bare tree branches. Before long, the words began to blend together in the sunlight that turned into star light, yet Ada prevailed, squinting and holding the novel close to her nose.

"We bet'r head on back." Ruby said, interrupting a sentence. Ada put the bookmark back into place before closing the book and stuffing it back into her dress pocket without a second thought. Ruby hitched what needed hitched back up to the horse and climbed in after Ada, passing off the reigns to her, explaining the shortest way home while doing so. Though she wanted Ada to read some more, she decided she'd best let Ada drive the way home, it was too dark to read, anyway, even with the newly lit lantern hung between them.

They remained silent again. The only sound that could be heard was the horse's hooves against the ground, and the wheels running over and crinkling the leaves beneath, along with the occasional snort of the horse. Once Ruby saw that Ada's hands were steady, she pulled the blanket from the back of the cart over their knees before dozing off slightly once more, resting her head against Ada's shoulder. Ada took her eyes off the road for only a second to acknowledge her. After a few moments, Ruby grew restless and turned slightly to gather Ada's hair, which was long enough that it would twist around her neck in front of her. Her hair was quite long, though not nearly as long as the horsetails she was used to. She entwined her hair carefully, yet loosely, half in a daze out of tiredness. Once she was finished, she let it drop behind Ada once more, not bothering to pull a piece of twine from her pocket so that it would stay held in place. Her hands dropped on her lap and she lay still again. Ada turned slightly so that her cheek pressed on her head slightly. She couldn't tell if she was sleeping or just restless. Though her shoulder was uncomfortable and limited in movement, she let her go. They had been working hard lately, and had to get home to take care of Sally, anyway. Ada had told her she could stay for as long as she liked, though she forgot to mention to Ruby that it was her room she was sacrificing. She was sure Ruby would be displeased, as she was still slightly bitter from several days ago when they had brought her the coffee and such and were not invited inside. Ada wasn't sure why it was such a big deal, and let it go almost instantly.

The sun had nearly completely hid his head by now, leaving only moonlight to light their path, besides the lantern. As Ruby directed, they approached the apple orchid behind the farm, nearing the barn. Though the path had been bumpy, Ruby hadn't stirred. Her head still rested firmly on Ada's shoulder, her hands still listlessly placed on her lap. Ada halted the horse once they came to the barn, moving her shoulder slightly so that Ruby would wake up. Ruby opened her eyes slowly, surprised they had arrived home so quickly, it seemed she had only been sleeping for a few minutes. Though still half asleep, she taught Ada how to unhitch the cart and such. Instead of pulling it into the corner of the barn where it should go, she simply left it in front of it, too tired to care if it was gone the next morning. Ada brushed off the horse and gave him his grain once he was in his stall, then headed back up to the house with Ruby. Ruby was too drained to care that Sally was in her room, and decided she'd just sleep in the armchair as Ada had done a few weeks before.

"I'm…I'm just going to go upstairs and read for a bit. Come up and get me if you need anything…" Ada said before beginning to climb the stairs. At the prospect of novel reading, Ruby's eyes lit up. "You can come, too, if you want…I don't mind…" Ada finished, yawning slightly and pulling the novel from her pocket again.

She was already changed for bed by the time Ruby had entered the room, and was laying on the bed, propped up on her elbows, the book in front of her. Ruby lay across from her, curling up in the blankets. Her drowsiness seemed to disappear as she listened contently. Though she still wasn't completely sure of the plot, she picked out bits and pieces until she had enough to devise her own until the rest was made more clear. There were moments when even her own plot would fade in and out and she would turn her head and watch Ada read. Her eyes kept perfect rhythm going from word to word, not once darting from the page. Her hair fell over her eyes, the braid mostly undone except for one or two still twisted strands falling over her shoulder blades. Everything was so perfect at that moment, at least in her head. She didn't even comprehend what she was reading now, and had long given up on the plot. This was just what she had wanted all those weeks ago. Just laying in bed next to her, having her distracted enough so that she could study her. The only light in the room was the candle still burning brightly on the nightstand, leaving the rest of the room to the shadows. She laid her head back once more so that she stared up at the ceiling and closed her eyes. Everything was perfect now. Just as she was closing her eyes, Ada closed the book and set it aside, pulling the pillow closer to her. Ruby sat up and grabbed the novel and read it to herself for a few moments. She'd pick out quotes she liked and kept note of them, as if she'd make use for them at a later time, though she knew she would never remember them word for word. She wondered what Ada was thinking about, though she found herself thinking about that often. She hadn't mentioned much of anything about her boy for some time now, and was hoping she forgot about him, figuring he had died. She hadn't received any letters, he might as well have been dead. It seemed selfish of her to wish so. She wanted to ask her about what she was thinking about. Ada would ask her the same question at times, when she would stop picking beans and stare off. Ada proved to be quite a distraction when there was work to be done. Always pausing to throw her hair back over her shoulder, or pick dirt from under her fingernails. It was the same thing everyday, yet she never tired of watching her. She kept her eyes on her; as if any passing man would be the one she was waiting for and would snatch her away. She had convinced herself that this man was long since dead; lying dead and forgotten in a battlefield or in a forest no one had ever heard of. She wished so, anyway. She turned her head to face Ada again, who was studying something, a picture. She was tracing her fingers over it carefully, smiling. Ruby tilted her head back so that she could see who it was, not that she needed to guess. The jealously crept through her, sending a chill down her spine. She didn't understand what she saw in him, if anything. It was just her lust; she had nothing else going for her at the time. He kept her going, it seemed. She didn't want _him_ to keep her going. She wanted her to have something that was real, something she could feel, something that was there for her, not someone who she could count on hand how many words were exchanged between them. There was a rush of anger with the jealousy. It just wasn't right. It wasn't fair. This wasn't about being selfish anymore, though the original thought was. Just laying there, watching her, she could hear her heartbeat echoing through her head and feel it beating in her throat. It was just frustrating now; she couldn't take seeing her like this. She just wanted to tell her everything at that very moment, for a split second, she had it all envisioned. She wanted to tell her, she wanted to break her heart. Then Ada would cry on her shoulder, as she stroked her hair, her free arm wrapped around her. They'd wake that way for weeks, she'd be too drained of emotion to do anything, and would probably want to be alone, so Ruby would bring her tea and leave, take the horse out for a bit and hunt. She'd fight every second she had to stray too far from her, as if they were lovers. She momentarily cocked an eyebrow at the thought. It seemed to be what she was unintentionally implying, not that she'd object to it. The thought kept her anguish from progressing for a second or so, just before she caught focus of the photograph in Ada's hands again, she was still smiling, still running her fingers over it.

"I don' underst'nd you, not a bit," she reached over and snatched the picture, Ada looking back at her with an offended shock if anything. Ruby studied it, holding it at a distance so that she could see the whole of it without having to squint. He didn't even look that impressive, and it occurred to her she had never actually seen a picture of him until now. Not up close, anyway. She wanted to crumble it between her fingers and throw it into the fire, only the tin backing kept her from doing so. Instead, she lay back down, her arm extended off the bed. She let the picture slide between her fingers, clanging as it hit the floor. Ada appeared too shocked to say anything, her brow furrowed and lips pursed.

"He ain't comin' back, Ada. He'd be here b'now. It's only been four years, lon' enough to wait fer someone, I'd say."

She didn't say anything. There was nothing to say. She wanted to tell her she was wrong, but there was no proof, no plausible evidence that he wasn't dead. She certainly hadn't received any letters, though she wrote him as if she had. Letters to the dead. She breathed deep and sighed, sitting up. "I'll be waiting for him, dead or alive, until the first sign of either." She stood up, biting her lip, eyes watering.

Selfishness wasn't the issue now. This was just plain frustrating, to want something so badly, have it so close, but know it's so far away. "He's lon' gon', Ada. Stop doin' this to yer'self! Yer a mess! I'm her', right in front'a you…"

Ada stepped around the bed to pick up the picture from the wooden floor before walking out the doorway. She leaned against the wall outside the doorframe, sliding her back down it, clutching the picture, until she was on her knees, sobbing as quietly as one could. Maybe this was just some sort of lust. In the back of her mind, she believed, knew, he was long gone. Just the thought that he might be on his way home to her kept her going each day. It was the reason she woke up each morning, the thought that kept her occupied when she was gutting hogs. She had only seen him several times, including those in the church when they'd simply make eye contact for any period of time without any words passed. And when there were words involved, it wasn't much. Never once was the word "love" said. Lust was only something she had read about in novels, not something she ever picture herself being trapped in. No, this love she shared with him was pure and true, endured the tests of time. Or she believed so. She found herself wanting to ask him of this, to confirm it. It was some type of one-sided obsession for now, or perhaps the whole scenario was only in her head. But he wasn't there. She couldn't hold him close and tell him all she wanted confirmed. He was gone. But she still held her end of the bargain. But she found Ruby's words being true, he may as well be dead, because he wasn't here. The whole epiphany was useless to her. She set the picture back down on the floor. She needed a sign. She wanted someone to love her, so this feeling didn't go to waste. All she wanted was a hug, or a kiss, even some caring words, telling her it'd all be alright. She forced her trembling body back onto unsteady feet and entered the room once more.

"You're right…I'm..you're right." She made a feeble attempt at holding back her tears, but failed, and wracked with sobs, still standing in the doorway. Ruby was sitting up, completely still. Had she caused this? No words were needed to explain why she was hurting, it was blatant by the hollows in her eyes. It hurt her to see her in such a state, but she wanted to comfort her. Hadn't this been what she had wanted all along? She didn't mean to turn her into a sobbing wreck. She started to stand up, but Ada sat down beside her, burying her face in her shoulder. Ruby wasn't quite sure what to do; she turned and stroked her hair, then turned so that she could cry on her chest. She lay down, Ada still at her side, though not crying as hard. After a few minutes, they just lay there, arms wrapped around each other, Ada dozing, still resting on her chest. Ruby pecked her on the forehead and rested her chin on the top of her head.

"I love you, darlin'," Ada said, tilting her head back enough so that she could look her in the eye.


	7. The Lustful Nights

**Title:** So Unaware of the World

**Pairing:** Ada/Ruby

**Thanks:** Yay for my friends & reviewers; Jack, Silenced Dreams, McKay1, a hodge in the hill, YouthfulRed & anyone else I may have forgotten. I appreciate you taking time to tell me your thoughts. And Vikki Kelly, because honestly, if it weren't for her constant encouragement, you can bet this story would be dead.

**Notes:** Written in a disarray to distract myself from things. Updates are going to be few and far between for a while because there's a lot of shit going on with me and I really just need to take some time off from everything. Somewhere in between I'd like to possibly re-write several portions of this fic…it could be just me, but I've also heard it from others, that it's becoming a bit out of character. In a way I saw it as character development but I think it went wrong somewhere in between. This story does need a lot of work, I'm aware, but thank you for the criticism, I need and thrive on it 3

I'm going to write a ficlet based on this chapter alone…there's so much more depth to it I wanted to get across, but not overtake the story with. This is sort of an outline, I guess. Eh, I dunno. You can also blame Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back for distracting me, too. And today Dec 26th marks exactly a year ago that I saw Cold Mountain for the first time. Something random I noticed while reading old journal entries. But um…this chapter is sort of random, but it needed done eventually. You can see why it's rated R now.

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_It hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time. _

"I love you, darlin'…." Ada whispered, still hazy from dozing. Though it wasn't much of a doze, if anything it was some sick way of torture, asking so much out of her as to go to sleep, which would only plague her with dreams of things she wanted to rid from her thoughts. She tilted her head back enough so that she could see Ruby, who looked just as tired as she did. Ruby smiled lazily and laid her head back against the pillow, still stroking Ada's hair, a motion so simple and almost careless was laced with an underlying feeling. Ada closed her eyes and stared down again, not sure what there was to say or do anymore.

Ruby remained still, running her fingers along her temple and through her hair. She let her fingers meander down her neck, eventually reaching her tense shoulders, rubbing her thumbs over protruding shoulder blades before moving back up to her shoulders, kneading more bone and skin than muscle. She was getting thin again. She wasn't eating. It couldn't be blamed on the letters any longer, it seemed she had long given up putting herself through such an ordeal since the piano was gone, though she still checked the mail diligently as ever. Perhaps receiving any notice of his existence would encourage her again, though Ruby still had herself convinced, yet still wishing to know for sure, that he was long dead. She became sick of her frail figure and went back to her hair again, the braid had long fallen out. Not being able to see her face, to not know whether or not she was still crying, came to be a concern to her. Sighing to herself, she ran her hands along her arms, before wrapped them around her waist and pulling her closer, her fingers between the crevasses of her ribs, it had of hurt. Ada was still, as if nothing had happened, all to lost in her own thoughts for her own good. She leaned into her, kissing her lightly along her jaw line, yet she still remained still.

Ada felt the kisses along her face, but chose to ignore it. She would let it continue, which it did, until the kisses were along her neck and collarbone. The only movement at all was that of her heart beating in her throat and the slow and steady rising of her chest. There was nothing that could be said that would evoke the right emotion from either of them; silence defining her thoughts seemed to express them, anyway. It was that moment that she had stopped kissing her and trailing her eyelashes along her cheek. She pulled her arms out from around her and shifted her weight, threatening to leave.

"Don't. I want you here," was all she managed to say, still not looking at her, still fixating herself on the design pattern of the quilt on which they were laying on. "Please. Just…just for tonight. I don't want to be alone." Ada reached behind her, running her hand along Ruby's arm until she took hold of her hand. She held it tight. She was so warm compared to her own blue hands, doubting herself if she could have made it through the night without someone so warm against her. "Please don't go," her voice wasn't even that of a plead; it was solemn with hinted uncertainty. There was just a hunger inside of her, yearning for nothing more than to be close to someone, someone who cared for her in such a way to let her forget such things. She turned herself around so that she was facing Ruby again, forcing herself to make eye contact for any length of time.

"I...I don' want you to do anythin' you don' wan'to…"

"I don't even know what I want anymore…." Ada trailed off, looking to the quilt again, ending with a heaving sigh.

Ruby didn't want this, not like this. She wanted it to something meaningful, but to Ada, she supposed it was. She didn't want to regret it in the morning, having to get up in the middle of the night and go elsewhere to distract herself. But this wasn't about her anymore, though it had started out that way. Maybe Ada knew, out of lustful confusion she was just giving in. She was guilt stricken now, making someone so jaded do such a thing.

What began as a tangle of kisses, heavy breathing and warn skin against skin ended with their bodies pressed together under the quilt and their nightgowns tossed to the floor.

They lied in unspoken solace afterward, no words came between them. Their breathing had slowed but their hearts still raced, the beating echoing off the silent walls. They both lay still, several inches away, staring at the ceiling in the waning light of the candle.

"Never again," were the only words that escaped Ada within the moment. Ruby said nothing in return, just rolled over so that she could face her. She inched closer so that her eyelashes batted against her cheek. Ada remained motionless for a while before letting the sigh escape her throat. "It's alright," she whispered. She pulled the quilt over them before they both drifted off, entwined once more. This didn't mean anything and would be forgotten in the morning and days to come.

Though her vision was blurry from just waking, Ruby could make out Ada sitting on the edge of the bedside, her head in her hands, her cheeks burned red. She wasn't crying, she was still in the process of fighting it. Ruby inched over and rested her head on her shoulder. Ada paid no mind, except to push back the hair dangling in front of her eyes.

"It's alright," she repeated from the night before. She knew this would happen again, it couldn't be avoided. So that was what all of what they had said and done was leading up to, it seemed irrational, if not a tad stupid and senseless. But it was love, nonetheless, something they both lacked and wanted, and there it was, right in front of both of them. In it's purest form, with no one to critisize the acts as that of lust of which they felt to be.

The days to follow were silent, yet they still carried on conversations laced with no meaning. They still talked of the daily chores and what crops needed planted when, but neither of them paid mind to it. The words were just there for a filler, so that something could be said. Yet in the night, they lay together, entwined and unplanned.

For five days, their bliss lingered. Everything was completely perfect in a way that could never be spoken of. What they had was theirs, no one else could see it or take it away, because no one else would ever know. Even after Sally had gone home and Ruby had her room back, there were a couple of nights in which she crept in bed with Ada again.

It hadn't been the first time they had caught deserters trying to steal food or livestock, usually they waited until the cover of darkness to steal and escape, but there was one who had got caught in the corncrib. It was Ruby who had caught sight of him, his arm stuck in the corncrib, yelping for help. At first, Ruby was amused by such a sight, and wondered how many deserters before had tried such a trick and succeeded. She ran off to fetch Ada, who rushed down with the shotgun. She left warning of the shotgun fixed on him, until she got a glimpse of his face.

"Stobrod Thewes…" she whispered harshly, loud enough that at least Ada heard. Before Ada could question her, she planted a swift kick in his side, had he not been attached to the corncrib, he probably would have fallen over.

"That's my daddy."


	8. The Novel

**Title**: So Unaware of the World

**Chapter:** 8?

**Pairing**: Ada/Ruby

**Disclaimer:** Still not mine, sadly.

**Notes: **Many, many, **many **thanks to those who kept pestering me about this. And another many, many thanks to those who have reviewed the last few chapters.

The majority of this was hand written in a notebook while sitting in by the window in the Barnes & Noble café, sipping mint frappachino. Hardly ever home anymore, let alone time to sit down and write anything coherent…plus this story is sort of…I don't know. I haven't lost interest in it, just the ability to write it as I want…once I finish it, or get nearer to, I plan on going over every chapter & fixing all the little things…maybe it's just me…I'm just never pleased with anything I write, and I find it necessary to do such things. I'm just impressed with myself that I've started a chaptered story that I actually intend to finish…usually I'm one to forget things/lose interest, but this has held my interest for a year and a half now, and it would just be a waste of time for me to put this much effort into something to just drop it now. I think because I honestly came up with the end before I even wrote the first words has been the drive to finish it. But with summertime here once again, I have time to sit and clear my head…thus, more fanfics…whether that's a good or bad thing, I don't know.

Also, at this point I am just glad I'm writing again. I know some of this doesn't make sense, but…at least I'm getting somewhere. …is it sad that I haven't watched the movie is almost 6 months? But I still love it as much as I always have.

Oh, and for whatever reason, this chapter & the following were the most difficult to write, the rest of the fic is completely hand written out in my notebook from over a year ago. It's all down hill from here

Sorry for the long wait. Enjoy :)

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_I can't explain what I feel but I know it's for real_

_Don't let me go back down_

Something as simple as sewing several pieces of material together shouldn't have taken as long as it had. Even between the two of them, it seemed as if by the time the coat was completed there would be no need for it. They had both kept unusually silent throughout the evening, trying to stay concentrated on their work.

After a bit, Ruby sat still, neglecting to thread the needle any longer. She got up and left without warning, leaving the needle and horsehair to drop to the floor.

Ada paused only for a second, not even batting an eye to acknowledge Ruby's sudden absence before going back to sewing the coat. There was a period of time in which she thought Ruby Thewes knew no other emotion other than anger, but it was more frustration than anger. After that day, she could truly say she had seen her angry. She had kept close watch on her in the kitchen while she was cutting the ham for her father, as if at any moment she'd take the butcher knife and cut his throat. When she had finished slicing the ham, when she finally had enough confidence to make eye contact with him, Ada stood behind her, gripping her at the wrist at intervals. She, too, managed to keep a stern visage. She found herself in the awkward position of protecting Ruby from whatever was upsetting her, though it was no more than words and past events. Ever after she had stopped screaming and shaking, and he had left with nothing more than a request of a coat for his friend, she held herself together. Biting her lip and bloodshot eyes remained the only sign of weakness.

Ada had stayed up long into the night sewing, finishing quicker than she had thought, even without Ruby. There wasn't that much that had needed done to begin with. Something she had come to realize about Ruby that night was that she had shown not to be as unforgiving as she put forward. When she had talked of her father before, it was always bitterly, not that Ada blamed her. Maybe it wasn't forgiveness she had offered in asking if he had a coat, but Ada's own mannerisms wearing off on her. She shrugged to herself at the thought before holding up the coat. It was just a bit taller than she was, but at least four times wider. They had used one of her fathers' coats for the pattern, and an old quilt for the rest of it. There were patches of other bits of scrap they had found laying about to patch it together as well. They were sure the deserters would find this as a source of amusement, something to do around the fire at night, attach back stories to the various patches on the coat. At least that's what she would be doing.

When she made it to the bottom of the stairs, she was surprised to see Ruby sitting at the dinner table, facing down, holding her head in her hands. For whatever reason, she had thought she has gone to bed. She decided it was best to leave her be rather than to instigate her. Ada opened the front door, surprised to see the deserter's seated on the front steps, waiting for the coat. She stepped out, smiling warmly and presented the coat to them. The big one smiled his toothy grin and tried it on, smiling and twirling about. Ada turned to return to the warmth of the house, but was instead met by Ruby standing at the front door, smiling to the deserters. She leaned against the doorframe, smiling, but her eyes remained cold. Ada left her to say whatever it was she wanted to say to them, not wanting to get involved.

She had read quite a bit of her novel and had blown out the candles long before she heard the stairs creak and Ruby walk past her door. She heard her let out an exasperated sigh as her shadow crept under the doorway, walking past her door and into her room. Ada sat up, though she wasn't able to see anything except what the moonlight chose to highlight and disregard. She let out a deep breath and rolled over on her back so that she could stare at the ceiling clouded by darkness. There was part of her that wasn't sure as to what she had been feeling lately, drifting through life, only half believing that her Inman was alive at all. It was only then that she realized how much she missed Ruby's company at night. She had someone to talk to who listened to her. She found herself wishing Ruby would come back, to talk to her about what had gone on when she had left.

She began blindly searching for the matches on the night stand. After a few moments of struggle, she successfully lit one of the candles and picked up her novel again, knowing it would be a while before she would be able to sleep properly.

The light must have drawn her near, because she heard Ruby's footsteps once again, approaching her door. She knocked twice before twisting the door handle and standing in the doorway plainly, her hands at her sides.

"What happened?" Ada finally questioned after the silence, closing the book and setting it aside.

"Nothin'. I tol' them they couldn't stay 'round here, 'd be best off if they'd go up in the woods or somethin'…." Ruby trailed off, now resting her hand on the doorknob, preparing to shut the door and take her leave.

"No, I mean…how are things? I heard you laughing, I'm assuming it went well…"

Ruby rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Their tales jus' kept getting' wilder and wilder by the minute…I couldn' stan' another secon' of their bullshit."

Ada nodded and moved over as a motion for to settle beside her. Ruby looked to the floor than at her, raising her eyebrows slightly. Ada was transfixed on her novel once again, not paying any attention. Ruby came to rest next to her, propping herself up on her elbows, leaning over Ada's shoulder slightly. Ada inched over more and look her in the eye.

"Never did finish this one…" Ada sighed, turning the page back to where she and Ruby had stopped so many nights ago before she began to read out loud, as she used to. Ruby lay contently on her side, hardly listening to the story, looking over Ada's face, her long hair falling in front of her eyes. She was too absorbed in her reading to push it back herself. She wanted it to go back the way it was just the night before. Ada had been distant with her since that afternoon, and she didn't like it. They had always been somewhat distant with each other, but they had their moments. The other night, by the fireplace. They both sat on the rug in front on the fire, Ada with her book, Ruby with her head on Ada's shoulder, her arm around her waist, her fingers running over her hand. It had always been like that between then. It angered her when Ada would talk of her Inman, but she listened, because it made her happy. Just like that moment. She hadn't the slightest clue what had been happening in the novel. Any other night, she would have cared. Because she knew she'd awake beside her the next morning. Yet each time there was a sense of uncertainty. She was waiting for Ada to have a breaking point. She supposed this was it. Watching her eyes move about the page and her lips take the shape of the words she was reading ever so precisely. Ruby sat up, stretching before falling on her back, staring at the ceiling.

Ruby reached over and ran her fingers along Ada's wrist until she came to her fingers. Without missing a syllable, Ada twisted her wrist so that she could entwine their fingers. She kept a firm hold on her hand and raised their hands up to her lips, planting a light kiss on the back of Ruby's hand. Ruby turned away, watching the candle flame flicker.

After a few more minutes, Ada said something of pausing for the night. Ruby looked to her, confused, and took up the reading herself. She didn't want to leave her side that night. Even if she awoke and Ada was on the far end of the bed, or even already awake without her. She still wasn't sure what this feeling was, love or something other than, but she didn't approve of it at the moment.

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Note - I know they're in seperate rooms when they're awake in the morning. Don't worry, I stick to the story, as you will see in the next chapter.


End file.
